Husbands Love Your Wives

When the annals of history are published for our generation, I most certainly will not be in there as one of the greatest husbands of our time.  Fact is I'm too selfish, lazy, and grumpy to even be considered.  But I am trying...

In recent weeks and months, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what being a good husband looks like.  Hopefully, one of these days I may get around into putting some of it into practice.  I think I have settled on a mission statement for being a better husband: Love Her Like You'd Die For Her.  Every time I come up with an idea of something that I could do to be a better husband, it boils down to that mission statement.

As I have been working through this, I've drawn insight from 3 main places -- the Bible, my experience (married almost 19 years), and the experiences of others.  The Bible talks about marriage in a number of places.  I'm going to share a little from the 4 places in the Bible that talk about a husband's responsibilities which have helped me the most.

Genesis 2:24
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%202:24&version=NIV1984
Genesis 2 tells us that a man is to leave his father and mother and unite to his wife and become one flesh.  That is, the man is supposed to make the relationship that he has with his wife the most important  human relationship that he ever has... more important than his guy friends, more important than his father and yes, more important than his mother.  This is God's design for the marriage relationship.   Many marriages struggle and even fail because this concept is not practiced.  Can you see it?  Love her like you'd die for her.

Colossians 3:19
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians%203:19&version=NIV1984
Simply put, this passage says that husbands are to love their wives and not be harsh with them.  What else can I say about that?  Love her like you'd die for her.

1 Peter 3:7
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203:7&version=NIV1984
This passage tells us to be considerate as we live with our wives and treat them with respect.  The interesting thing about this verse is that it seems to indicate a negative impact of not doing it.  Now, I don't really know what it means that something could hinder your prayers.  But I do know that if I don't want my prayers to be hindered, then I'd better love my wife like I would die for her.

Ephesians 5:21-33
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205:21-33&version=NIV1984
This just may be the most referenced passage from the Bible when it comes to the topic of marriage.  As I read it, I only see one directive for husbands... to love your wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  How did Christ love the church?  He died for her.

You may ask... what about the wife?  What's her job?  Ephesians 5 (and the other passages too - if you read the surrounding verses) spells this out perfectly.  The wife is to submit to her husband.  Now mind you, I do not believe that this teaches some kind of caveman mentality where the husband should have some power trip over the wife.  After all, the Ephesians passage starts out saying that we (as Christians, not husband and wife) should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  This general principle for our relationships with other Christians also applies to our relationships between husbands and wives.

Also, Ephesians only has one command for the husband... to love his wife like Christ loved the church. Notice that the passage does not say that the husband is supposed to make his wife submit to her.  However, I do believe that Ephesians 5 does have the recipe for how a husband can 'make' his wife submit to him. He must love her like Christ love the church.  He must love her like he'd die for her.  If she refuses to submit to the husband, then she will have to answer to God about that.

When I was in college, I once sat in a Bible discussion group about this passage.  One of the young ladies in the group who was initially debating against the idea of submission for wives came to a realization that changed her way of thinking.  She said that if her (future) husband would live and treat her in such a way that is consistent with his role as described in Ephesians 5, then she would have no problem submitting to him.  If that was the case, then she would know that his every action and intention would be for her good, because he would be loving her like he'd die for her.

Do I have this all worked out?  No.  Do I know how to always practice loving my wife like I'd die for her?  No.  If I did know how to always do it, would I?  No -- I already told you that I'm too selfish, lazy  and grumpy.  But I will keep trying.  Pray for me in this area -- but make sure you're loving your wife and treating her with respect first.  I don't want your prayers for me to be hindered.